Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Breastfeeder's Guide to Management

books writing bookshelf

Years ago I worked with a guy who lined his office with trendy leadership books, stuff like “It’s Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy” and “Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun.” Seriously, he had like fifty of them at one point, all lined up nice and neat, spines perfectly aligned. They were the first thing you saw when you entered his space. To give him credit, he had actually read them all, but displaying them so prominently afterwards (“I’m a leader, look at all my leadership books!”) just seemed kind of cheesy. 

So to amuse ourselves (and because we weren’t all that busy) we used to slip one or two of our own picks in between “Leadership Sopranos Style” and “Lincoln on Leadership.” Classics like “Dr. Mom’s Guide to Breastfeeding” and “More Joy: An Advanced Guide to Solo Sex.” Ah, the good old days before sexual harassment in the workplace became a bad thing.

Now I don’t think anyone’s been tampering with my shelves at home - that would be paranoid, right? - although I do have the occasional whackjob crashing my guest room (no names, I love them, weirdness and all, the same people who have been known to add “afrosheen” and “drinkable sausage” to my shopping list on the fridge, you know who you are.) And really, upon reflection, isn’t it better to imagine someone stealthily placing books on my shelves than to face the possible slippage of my already diminishing mental faculties?

Anyway, the point is, today when I was looking to wile away the afternoon with some hardcore sci fi (settled on The Day of the Triffids), I came across a handful of books that I didn’t recollect at all (cue spooky music). Nothing, nada, not a single memory, however slight.

Please tell me this happens to you, too, on occasion?

Here’s what I found:

NIST Thermodynamic and Transport Properties of Refrigerants and Refrigerant Mixtures by the US Secretary of Commerce on behalf of the United States of America. 

WTF? I can honestly tell you that I’ve never seen this publication in my life, and that the reference to the US government kind of creeps me out. 

But for those of you who are interested in not just refrigerants, but also refrigerant mixtures, this is the book for you! It covers various properties, including thermodynamics, surface tension, and even conductivity. Yee haw!

For Women Only, A Revolutionary Guide to Reclaiming Your Sex Life by Jennifer Berman, M.D. (urologist) and Laura Berman, PhD. (the real doctor’s sister, with a degree in sex therapy). 

First off, I didn’t realize my sex life was even missing. I’ve lost my car keys twice in the past three weeks and have a slew of single stockings awaiting their mates, but my sex life seems to be well, my business, for starters. But definitely not missing. Wink.

Although…having now skimmed through the Table of Contents (strictly for blog research, of course) perhaps it’s worth a quick read. I mean, are we ever too old to learn “How to Perform the Squeeze and Start-and-Stop Techniques for Early Ejaculation” (page 219)? I’ll get back to you in a bit…

Man of Two Worlds (original title Renaissance) by Raymond F. Jones

Nothing to mock here (yet), this could be a real find! From the cover, “He dared the Dark Land to bring Mankind rebirth.” Hmmm…

When it comes to science fiction, though, the real test for me, is page one. Let’s have a looksee, shall we?
“The first globe had set, and the lengthening shadows cast by the second sun were darkening the great hall of the Karildex
The mighty machine seemed crouched down in the half darkness, like some mammoth creature settling for the night. The purple sheen of its thousand metallic facets reflected the glowing firebursts that lit the sky from Fire Land.”
On the fence, but I’ll give it a go.

So what unknowns are lurking on your shelves? 

1 comment:

  1. The book I never (yet) wrote: How to Survive Renovation Without Being Committed or Convicted of Murder. Never quite got around to it. Might have been that hospital stay....

    Loved the post

    Laura Hedgecock